Healing Light

I Remember When You Used to Be Fun

Today is my older brother’s birthday. He would have been 64, but his life was cut short by a careless driver in 2023. In the wake of his passing, I’ve come to realize that he was probably my best friend, and definitely my oldest friend – after all, he was there from day one.

He and I did so much together in our lives. He was three years ahead of me in school and while I was in high school, he was still at home attending community college. We used to go to the beach in the summer and into Chicago for shopping. We traveled to Arkansas for several water ski vacations, all before I hit 21. We attended countless Beach Boys concerts. My mom made Hawaiian shirts for us – I still have mine. My first job was at a pizza place; he worked there as a delivery driver and got me the job.

As we got older, we stayed close. We both married and the four of us traveled together, a trip to Florida, another water ski vacation in Arkansas, and several trips to New Orleans for the Jazz and Heritage festival. We water skied on weekends in summer and hit some of the Chicago street fairs. I played beach volleyball with he and his wife, we watched the infamous white Bronco chase with OJ Simpson after one of those games. He and his wife lived in the city and I was working downtown. For a few years we had a meet-up at the Berghoff stand-up bar for the day after Thanksgiving.

They moved to California not too long after the birth of their first daughter. I was divorced about the same time and moved to Kansas City. He was a rock to lean on during those transitions. I was in KC for less than two years, I had transferred there for work, but the organization went through some changes and I was without a job, less than a year after buying a house. Without a clear path, I looked for work in California and very serendipitously it all came together. I moved to Oakland, living about fifty miles north of them. They had another daughter. We had holiday dinners together, and talked on the phone regularly. I even tagged along on a trip to Hawaii.

More transitions, I moved back to Chicago, my brother was supportive every step of the way. I remarried, my nieces were flower girls at the wedding. I had a baby. My brother and sister-in-law are his God parents. There was a lot of family drama with my parents that as the only child living near them, I dealt with most. My brother stepped in to carry the load as much as he could from a distance and was always there if asked. I had my own family drama too with the end of my marriage and becoming a single parent to a special needs child; my son has autism. Whenever Chris was in Chicago for business, which was often, he would spend time with us. We also got to see the whole family at least once a year, usually around the holidays.

I also stayed with him when I went to a dance event in San Francisco. I traveled with two friends and Jamie and my brother watched Jamie for me so I could attend dance classes and he and his family opened their home to the four of us. Jamie and I came back the next year for another dance event and Chris watched him for the three days of the event. No small feat. I could not have traveled without his help and it was life changing for Jamie. My son has language challenges, but he knew and loved his Uncle Chris after spending all that time with him. 😃

There’s more, but I think it’s clear that we were involved in each other’s lives. My current partner used to say that when we were on the phone together it was like two high school girls catching up. He called me regularly, usually at six my time, four in California, because he knew I would be driving home from work. He made a trip to Chicago in September of 2023 and stayed with me for about a week. Jamie spent a lot of time under a blanket giggling because Uncle Chris was here. My brother met with some of his old friends that live in the area and we spent some time with my dad. I always feel like that trip was planned on a soul level to be able to see everyone one last time.

Last year at this time, my dad and I flew out to San Jose for my brother’s celebration of life. Traveling with my son helped prepare me for traveling with my 90 year old father. It was an amazing ceremony, a party really, with over a hundred guests, which my brother would have loved. I made a toast near the end of the event, it was a joke Chris had whenever you said no to something that promised to be a good time. He’d look at you and rather than say ‘why not?’ he’d just sort of shake his head and say ‘I remember when you used to be fun’. A lot of fun things happened in my life because of my brother. As we got older, we laughed whenever that line was tossed out. Today, it’s just making me smile because I do remember.

If you made it this far, thanks for listening. I hope that you have loved ones you cherish as much as I did my brother, and if they are still alive, be sure to check in with them.

Light and Love ❤

Please consider hitting the like button and/or sharing!

#Brother #Birthday #Grief #Loss #Family #Friendship #Memories #Life #Love #Anniversary #GoneTooSoon #BestFriend #Travel #Music #BeachBoys #Childhood #Siblings #FamilyDrama #SpecialNeeds #Autism #CelebrationOfLife #Legacy #Cherish #CheckIn